Parenting Skills Ii - Formative Years

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Child rearing is an touch that makes adults out of grown-up children, called parents. As soon as a child is added in the life of a couple, everything changes. Suddenly, the baby becomes the focus of their lives. everything revolves around the needs of the baby. The first formative years, from age birth upto five years lay the foundation of the whole life of a child. Mistakes made in child rearing while this time can sometimes be irreversible.

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One of the underlying theory of parenting is to appreciate the needs of a baby. If the needs are misunderstood, the responses of the parents will lead to damage in the bond in the middle of the baby and the mother. One of the earliest needs of the baby are- food, sleep, being clean and a sense of safety. Once these needs are met, the baby is a happy baby. The first three needs are bodily but the need to feel safe is where there is a contrast of thought among experts. In cultures, where babies are free to sleep with parents and where the mum is available to cling to while any time of the day, the baby feels safe. In cultures where babies are made to sleep in separate rooms, and most of the waking life is spent in creches, there is a shift in the baby's perception of safe relationships.

Spending time in creches has the advantage of bonding with different person/s other than the mother, which may be looked at as the start of production the private independent. But the frequent convert in caregivers gives confusing messages to the subconscious. The more the changes in the amount of caregivers tantalizing less touch, the more the nervous theory feels unstimulated. At the end of the day, the baby's needs for safety are prime after feeding and cleaning has been done. Touch plays a major role in providing the baby, a sense of safety. The more the tender touch is available, the safer the baby feels. Sensorial satiation is what makes a child grow up to be a stable individual.

When a baby does not get sensorial satisfaction, then the baby starts to construct various problems, one of which is hyperactivity. In my own observations, a child who has had the kind of touch that is available to a child reared full time by a mum in India or in Nigeria, he or she is likely to be more stable emotionally. In this case the behaviour can be of course controlled because the nervous theory has absorbed the sense of safety in the subconscious. The hyperactivity happens because the nervous theory has not reached its level of satisfaction. Children in India are of lesser weight than a baby born in Western Europe. Yet they construct motor skills like crawling and walking and talking earlier than children in the Westren countries. My windup is that the sense of safety by touch by mum is the key to this difference. In India, in families in which the baby gets touch -experiences the whole day by family members, even if the mum may be working, motor skills are learnt earlier.

As the baby grows up to understand language, the next step is to teach the baby ways of life. A general baby who feels well loved, will behave well and will not show any question behaviour. Any reprimand by the parent, by a well bonded child, is taken seriously and obeyed. The more the child feels loved, the less are the chances of misbehaviour.Love is the best foundation for discipline.

When a child is to be reprimanded, it needs to be done immediately after an event and not ten minutes later. A child has a short memory span. So correction has to be immediate. This way the child can learn to associate the event with the consequences. It is important to let a child know what the thinkable, escort needs to be rather than giving out for undesirable behaviour.

Spanking or beating is not needed to accurate a child. They are counter-productive. If you want a behaviour to discontinue, let the child know of its consequences. For example, if you do not want a toddler to go near a burning candle, then you have to hold the child's hand and bring it to a safe length from the flame, so that the child can feel the heat. Once a child knows the fire can burn, they will not go near the flame. Such experiences demand hard work and alertness on the part of a parent. But it is worth it if you want a wholesome and well adjusted happy adult as a child.

Experience teaches a child. Words do not mean much, till they are linked with experience. In order for a child to learn, every mistake and its consequences have to be explained in straightforward language without going into too much details. And everything needs to be based on truth. If a child observes parents being untruthful in any area of life, no matter what you tell them about truth, they will learn to be untruthful.

Copyright Pradeep K Chadha 2006

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