saving From Bipolar Disorder and Addictions

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When I was ten years old I had decided I wanted to be a Doctor. I wanted to wear the white jacket and cure people who were sick. I never wanted to be a nurse; Doctors seemed to have more power. The nurses, I thought, just took notes and watched while the doctor made miracles within the confines of sterile white walls.

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I decided to play hockey while my friends form skated. Hockey felt more powerful; tangible and angry. Angry like I felt. My mother told me, as all mothers do, that I could be anything I wanted. If I couldn't be a Doctor, I truly believed, I wouldn't be anything else.

Things were simple then. As simple as they can be when you are diagnosed with a serious thinking illness at a young age. By the age of 12 I had seen many Doctors: Psychiatrists, Natural healers, Endocrinologists, Psychologists who practised cognitive behavioural therapy. There was something wrong with me and they couldn't form it out. I was too young to be mentally ill, severe adolescent thinking illness was very rare, and the Doctors exhausted every possible option. My parents told me I had Adhd and I was put on Ritalin. They were told I might be allergic to milk (how this could expound my manic behaviour we were not sure) and I was not allowed to eat cheese anymore.

I didn't want to be a doctor anymore. I just wanted to be Me. But I was sick. I now had a label which I wore beside my heart and carried within my mind for years: I had Bipolar Disorder. It would not go away.

I spent years in and out of the Psychiatric hospital. I tried many distinct medications but I did not get better. I got worse. When I turned 18 I was told I was now old adequate to try lithium. I decided that if the lithium did not work I would commit suicide. It`s a dire subject, but I was confident I would not get better. I would all the time cycle in the middle of depression and mania.

To my absolute surprise the lithium worked. I gradually became garage although I wasn't sure what that was because I had never had it. That was the last time I would be confined to a hospital. Never again did I sleep under the small acrylic blankets which smelled like bleach.

I went back to school but it was tough because I had missed years. But I was considered to get into college: I had decided that I would do all in my power to have a good life.

Although the lithium caused a thyroid issue which made me sick before it was treated, I created a life for myself. I am 26 years old now and although I still become ill in the winter months the medication keeps me stable.

I don't want to be a doctor anymore (I see adequate of them as it is) I just want to me Me.

And I am.

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